… fyi, a Haribo and Chocolate buttons combo gives G&T or ham & pineapple a run for their money!

 

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but a certain famous family had a certain new arrival last week.

(No, I’m not bitter at all that Stormi is only 10 days old and already richer than I’ll ever be.)

On February 1st the Jenner and Kardashian families took the internet by storm (eyyyy wink wink) as the new ‘Jenneration’ filled up our instagrams with those fabulous bare baby bump pics and a reveal-all 11 minute pregnancy video, finally putting an end to the “is she, isn’t she” palaver once and for all …

So, you know, that only means that Kylie Jenner, a being from one of THE most photographed families IN THE WORLD managed to keep her baby bump under wraps (literally) for NINE WHOLE MONTHS.

The new Jenneration

THREEEEE TRIMESTERS.

A FULL TERM.

280 DAYS …

and not one person was able to confirm anything!

HOW? Did they hire the C.I.A?

Together, the internet and journalists have leaked everything from phone hacking scandals, top-secret NASA goss, topless photos of Kate Middleton to Eminems new album and whether or not John Snow dies in Game Of Thrones.

I for one feel thoroughly let down.

Anyhoo. Publicity stunt or not, you can’t deny it’s kind of ingenious and she must possess more patience than the saint of saints himself because I for one struggle not to announce the beginning of my monthly cycle most the time.

Kudos Kylie, Kudos!

So incase anyone else wants to hide a pregnancy (I dunno, someone might) then here’s some of the ways Kylie managed it:

It’s rumoured she didn’t leave the house a lot

Slightly extreme (a lot extreme) but again, just a rumour. Besides, have you seen where she lives?

I wouldn’t wanna leave either.

When one of our most seen faces suddenly fell of the radar for a while, everyone started to suspect the same thing. Pregnant. But still, no photo of her growing tummy.

LOTS of baggy clothing (and denim)

The Kardashian and Jenner family aren’t well-known for ‘mom’ pants and baggy T’s but according to Kylie’s insta, you’d think they were going out of fashion.

Oldest trick in the book really, isn’t it?

(might not have had an actual baby before but defo hidden plenty food ones!)

She MASTERED the art of good angles and lighting…

It’s no coincidence that the mom pants and baggy T’s seem to have made another appearance, or that ‘same day outfit pics’ are spread out across weeks via insta drops …

but I feel Kylie has fallen prey here to something all of us can probably relate to.

When you post a picture of yourself aided by strategic camera angles, adjusted contrast and a Valencia filter, then your mate goes and posts this…

ALL BLACK EVERYTHING

Well they do say black is slimming.

HER SELFIE COUNT QUADRUPLED

Let’s be honest, this isn’t that much of a shocker, but if you have a quick scroll through Kylies Insta, you’ll notice it’s basically recycled throw backs or face only pics that are dominating her feed.

And you know you what they say about face only pics. Never trust them!

KYLIE? IT’S AUGUST!

I’m from Newcastle meaning I barely even wear a coat in winter but really, middle of August Kylie … in LA?

I can’t say I see this trend catching on!

BLANKETS ARE GOOD FOR MANY THINGS AND APPARENTLY COVERING BABY BUMPS IS ONE

You almost don’t notice little Kylie there.

Apart from looking like a bit of a spare part she’s pretty much buried herself in that blanket and is the only one not showing any skin. Oh and look, ANOTHER Denim jacket.

Hm. Maybe she was cold!

SHE DIDN’T GET THE MEMO FOR THE FAMILY XMAS CARD?

I don’t think they could have dared put the poor girl in another denim jacket; and a jeans/white top combo is gunna be about as good at hiding baby bumps than I am at remembering to take the bins out every Wednesday.

 

There you have it.

My conclusion of all this being that she basically lived in Denim for 9 months and done a lot of subtle catfishing. Crafty.

Regardless, all this means that the internet has been broken once again by a Kardashian/Jenner.

(Jeez, the Devil works but these lot work harder!)

 

signiture

 

 

3 Comments

  1. floatinggold February 13, 2018 at 5:49 am

    An entertaining read. Even if one is not interested in the Kardashian/ Jenner family, your puns and humor made it worth reading.

    Reply
    1. Ema February 13, 2018 at 12:17 pm

      You just can’t escape them, can you? Ah thankyou v much for stopping by!

      Reply
  2. Gail February 15, 2018 at 2:30 pm

    Call me biast but that’s a brilliant read Ema even for me who has no bloody interest what so ever in the K family, well done you gorgeous human being !!! ❤️💙💚💛👍🏻👍🏻

    Reply

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